Chai Chats // How Getting Cheated On Affected Me

April 20, 2018


When I was 19, I met my 2nd boyfriend. After our 4th year, he cheated on me and did so until our 7th and final year. This was my first 'proper' boyfriend. I don't want to give said boyfriend any airtime but for the purpose of this blog post, I'm gonna have to a little bit. More than being about him though, this is more about how it made me feel and 2 years on, what it made me into. Being cheated on, affected me both positively and negatively and I guess that's kind of what I want to discuss within this blog post. 


First Boyfriends

I put my all into everything I do and at age 19, I felt like I gave him everything really. It was one of those, oh my gosh I want to be with you forever moments (I certainly didn't and I'm glad I wasn't but aged 19, I guess you become smitten very easily). 19 sounds so young and so trivial but I guess what I'm trying to say that this relationship, actually really did affect me and changed me as a person.

Getting Cheated On

The word 'cheated on' sounds so immature but that's what it is, someone is your boyfriend and exclusive to you and they betray your trust behind your back with someone else. Whether that's physically, emotionally, via text, in person, etc. It's just not really okay at all. We were together for almost 7 years and throughout that period, I was cheated on more than I can count. I kept going back. Why? I fell in love at 19 and I wanted to prove people wrong really.

Will I ever go back to someone who cheats on me? No.
Everyone told me to not go back, I was an idiot, and in result of me ignoring the advice, I pretty much lost some of my friends respect. Going back every single time was the worst thing I could have possibly done, I felt like a punch bag and every time I found out he'd done it again, I felt like I'd been stabbed. I don't even know how I woke up some mornings after it had happened. I was in genuine pain. We weren't making love for over 3 years and I stayed. I was loyal whether I was craving it every time I had a night out with the girls, I went home every time.
Did you know what was even worse? The fact that I told him it was Okay and that I wouldn't leave him, that I'd still be there for him. I disgusted myself. There was nothing wrong with me and certainly with you. Feeling like I wasn't good enough was horrible. Horrible for him to never made me feel better or tried to after the fact that he caused it all.

It's not you, it's him.

Domestic Abuse

Not only was I cheated on but I also suffered from domestic abuse (something I may eventually go into on another post when I have the courage). This all from the same person who was supposed to love me. It only happened while he was intoxicated but that still didn't make it Okay. And regardless of whose fault, it should have never happened. 
Life is for living, you should be happy and no one should ever make you feel less than 100% amazing. 

The Positives

He broke up with me. Sure, I was depressed. But I also healed. It's true when they say that when the girl is healing, he wants to come back. Because that is what happened, he wanted to come back. 
I tried to be friends but I knew better and cut it off when feelings were trying to surface. I left and it made me a lot stronger. It made me feisty. It made me stand up for myself. And it sure as fuck made me realize I will never, ever let anyone walk all over me again. 
For a while, it made me be care free, it made me not want to care. I didn't miss the lies. The drama. THE PAIN. I believed that woman should be equal as men and sometimes, even over them. My confidence shot up. I knew what I wanted and what I deserved. I got to start over and it felt great.

The Future

Since then, I've dated and then finally met Carlos, my Fiancé.
 The loveliest guy I've ever met and I was no longer on edge. Being cheated on honestly turned me into a nightmare, I felt physically sick if the smallest thing happened because it triggered what happened to me in the past. I guess I had been conditioned to always be expecting the worse because of the experiences I went through. Carlos assured me it would never happened and 2 years later, has proven it. He went above and beyond and I truly believe you will have that opportunity too. 


*If you're in or know anyone in Domestic violence, please seek help at 1-888-799-7233 

2 comments:

  1. I am so happy you finally found someone who treats you like the queen, you deserve it. Every women deserves a stand up man, and should not go through what you had been thru. I am proud of you!

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  2. Truly the luckiest now (:
    Thank you SO much. I appreciate your kind words! xx

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